


Impossible To Read You

by DestinedforDestiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal, Angst, Domestic/Possessive!Cas, Explicit Language, F/M, Future Mpreg, Gabriel makes everything awkward, Humor laced in, Kissing, M/M, Past Rape, Sex, Still has Angels and Demons, Top!Cas, Trauma, alternative universe, bottom!Dean, human!Sam, human!dean, librarian!Dean, one OC, or more Idk, very explicit labor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-04
Updated: 2015-07-19
Packaged: 2018-03-21 04:40:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3677856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestinedforDestiel/pseuds/DestinedforDestiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester is a Librarian in the town of Lawrence and at the young age of 25, still has yet to find a personal love life behind all the books and shelves. It is till then after his 25th birthday does a strange mysterious man in a trenchcoat walks into the library, instantly striking a love connection with the feisty librarian. But as their love grows, Dean finds it hard to believe that his lover can be more Supernatural than realized.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Genre: Lonely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean Winchester is untouchable and lonely... Period.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments please!

_"Kay, 'The Life of Lincoln'... Historical... "_

_Swoosh. Screech._

_" 'Anne Frank'... Historical at the War section..."_

_Swoom. Screech._

Inside the small library of Lawrence Kansas, where the cold nipped at everyone's noses, a young man, slender and firm, wearing a green coat- despite the fairly warm temperature in the room- and black plain jeans, stood on the top part of the creaking ladder with several fairly big books in his only free arm. He had a nerdy complexion- due to the green reading glasses hooked to his face, but take them off, you had a charming young man with a perfectly carved face, freckled dashed face, and the most dazzling ever green eyes that glimmered with focused attention on his task. 

Arranging books. 

Dean Winchester, he is, 'best Librarian' he calls himself to make his pathetic life sound more interesting. And by 'interesting' he meant 'less fucking pathetic by heart.' Sometimes it worked- hardly. Other times he felt like he was looking into a mirror an telling another damned lie. 

"Historical.... Fiction.... SciFi..." 

After placing the last of his books in their rightful place, Dean slid down the ladder's sides until his boots met the carpeted floor of the library. Like always, hardly anyone stepped into the place to check out a book, due to the careless intentions, but at points it made the job easier. Less books checked out and checked in meant less books to be placed back in either of various shelves, meaning it made it less often to be placed back on that trechorous ladder.

The library was awfully quiet though, all you could hear was the vents releasing the warm air into the room. Speaking if warm, it was a little too hot, so Dean slipped off his brown coat and placed it on a nearby table near the main office.

" _Dean? Is that you?"_ came the voice of his boss, Andre, from inside the office.

"Yeah," Dean hollered back.

 

" _Finished for now?"_

"Um, I donno, maybe for the day, Sir. Hardly anyone has walked in to return a book." 

_"Oh alright. Happy birthday by the way."_

Dean smiled softly. "What, no cake?" 

_"Yeah. If you let me deduct off your check to buy one."_

Dean chuckled, hearing his boss laugh as well. "Whatever, Andre. Thank you." 

So yes, he had remembered it was his 25th birthday, and yet he was even more pathetic. No relationship, small apartment, working as a low-paid Librarian, and had barely enough money to buy himself a coffe afterwards. What would be even more humiliating is if he threw himself his own 'surprise party.' 

Dean frowned and stepped away from the office, going to the far end of the library and pulled out his phone, dialing a number. It rang for a few minutes before a voice picked up. 

_"Hello?"_

Dean smiled at hearing his brother- Sam's- voice. "Hey, Sammy." 

 _"Dean! Hey, happy birthday, bro. Still single?"_  Sam asked in a teasing manner, making Dean fluster. "First of all  _dick head,_ you're a little late on the happy birthday pointing out that it is almost eight pm, and yes I am still single. Why, you wanna take me out for dinner and a movie?" 

Sam chuckled.  _"No, sorry, personal life you are. And I have to finish up some assignment so I had no time to tell you sooner."_

Yeah, Sam had left Dean a while back to enter college. It has been three years since Dean had company at the apartment, he missed Sam dearly. But if he was lucky, his little brother would come visit him on holidays. But never his birth day. Still, Dean wished things could be different and Sam would at least try to contact him first often. It must be embarrassing, being the big brother yet don't even have a lover. 

"Yeah, Sammy, whatever. Are you- well can you at least try to come see me this week sometime? Maybe we can go celebrate or something?" Dean asked hopefully. There was a long sigh on the other line- which always lead to a 'No, sorry' or a 'I can't.' 

" _Dean, you know I can't do that. I got school._ " 

Correct. 

"Then how about a weekend? Won't hurt you that badly," 

_"Dean, please not now."_

Dean felt tears beginning to swell in his eyes and a lump form in his throat. He didn't want to be alone on his birthday again. "But I miss you, Sammy," he whispered in a heartbroken voice. He truely did. Him and Sam were close. They were family, all they had were each other. With Sam around, Dean felt no urge to find love, he had his brother. Yet it still came up to bite him in the ass once Sam left for education. There was silence, Dean was afraid Sam had hung up, he hoped he didn't. Lately Sam had the habit of doing so when he felt temptations of showing sympathy to Dean that would make the youngest winchester leave college. Dean was a little disappointed that college was more important to Sam than he. 

"... Sammy?" 

He heard a sniffle and immediately knew Sam was probably crying or something. At least Dean was in a way important. "Sam?" he called.

" _Bye, Dean, take care."_

Dean felt his chest swell in defeatdefeat, realizing he had lost yet again. He felt his throat strain in a vice tug. "Sam, please don't-" 

The line had cut off, giving him the sign that Sam had hung up on him. Great. Now here he goes into the water works as a tear slipped down his face. With a sorrow sigh, Dean slumped into a nearby chair and buried his face in his hands to stop the few tears escaping. He felt lonely. Absolutely alone. Sam was gone- the only person to comfort him, he had no lover, no one now present to talk to at least, not even a cat. He had no one. Right now he would enjoy striking up a conversation with one of the lovely old folks that would walk up in the library, at least for a few minutes.  Mrs. Gladice was a helpful chatter box who would make Dean laugh at her oblivious confusions to slangs. 'Drop dead sister' was currently one on her top list that took her at times. Finding someone decent to talk to was pretty tricky, if only they knew.

If anyone else other than old people and all were to enter in the library, it was either some uptight prick wanting to take a shot at Dean Winchester's ass for the hell of it. 

But for a long time, Dean has made it nearly impossible for anyone to hit it up with him, better yet get into an official relationship. Being a smart person, yet working in a minimum paid job made it hard for Dean himself to find someone to spend his life with. Twenty five and single made him feel miserable and... Lame. At one point, Dean tried hooking up with someone online in a dating website, only to have it frustrating when all they wanted to do was get in his pants. Blind dates were never well, so the only choice Dean so far had was to just wait in the library for 'that special someone.' Who knows, decent men might want to pick out a damn decent book. 

Was he even reading the right books?...

Books...

Dean perked up. That's it. 

Quickly, he ran down a isle, grazing his eyes over the row of books until he found exactly what he was looking for... 

'Dating advice for loners...' 

* * *

_"Dean? Dean! Get up, it's closing time."_

Dean shot up from the reading area with at least nine books surrounding him on all corners. Each of them were with the same genres. Dating advice... Loners... Worthless... 

Dean furrowed his eyebrows. Wait. Did... Did he literally fall asleep for... Two hours? Reading this shit?! Pathetic! He gazed up to meet his boss- a fairly handsome man with combed blonde hair, brown eyes, and broad shoulders. Your average prince charming of the store. Clearly, Andre was both disappointed and amused at the sight before him. "Poor kid," he crooned teasingly with a sly smirk. Dean took the hand he offered and pulled himself to his feet. Dean was always short, Sam was even taller. Sam... Bastard. 

"Sorry," Dean murmured, burning red from humiliation. Andre smiled and patted the shorter man's shoulder with a chuckle. "It's okay, you'll find that special someone. 25 is the lucky number I heard," he said brightly. Dean looked up at him with hopeful eyes. "Really? Where'd you hear that?" Andre furrowed his eyebrows. "Donno. But I can assure you Dean, if I wasn't married, you would be a close second." 

Dean frowned. "Geeeeez, Andre. That sure helps ease my humiliation," he muttered. 

"Yeah, glad to help."

Dean felt hopeless and made a whine, burying his face in his hands. "I'm a fucking loser! It's pointless!" 

Andre frowned and pulled his friend by the shoulders, making Dean look up at him firmly. "Don't say that, Dean," he said sternly, "you are a very bright man. And coming from a guy, you are... pretty? I don't know how you say shit, but you are fairly attractive for anyone your type, surely someone will notice. Just don't hit yourself on the head, it takes patience. Just... Take a rest and come to work tomorrow, bright and early- and damnit be confident!" 

Dean chuckled lightly at his boss' encouragement and nodded. "Thanks. I'll try." 

"Good. Now pick these books up before you leave." 

"Awwww!" 

* * *

To feel someone watching you as you sleep is odd... Feeling the presence of someone standing alright behind you and doing nothing but just standing added the more suspense. It was like they wanted you to turn over so your eyes could meet before two things happened. 

They murdered you.

Or they kidnapped you. 

Rude to disturb anyone like that, but true in many ways. But that night- like any other night, Dean never turned away from the wall as a show of shadows casted over it. Dancing fingers, creepy hands formed by branches- the average childish fears. He hated the dark. It was quiet and empty in the house, except for that non-existing presence surrounding you. Sam would have made the feeling more comforting. At least Dean would have someone to have his back always. 

Saddest birthdays yet again. Andre was nice to buy him a slice of cake and a beer. Yay. But now it was time of day for Dean to be miserable at its best. The dark was only the beginning, the cold was another. No body heat for him to know there was a warm body with him. The shadows were his friends. His shadow was his lover. But feeling something watching him...

It made him feel exactly what he is. 

Untouchable.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prologue done! Poor Dean!


	2. Genre: New comings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 25's the lucky number? Dean meets an odd stranger who unexpectedly, saves his life. Andre gets funny ideas and throws advice at this man in a trenchoat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here ya go!!!

Dean rushed into the library barely in time for the invisible late bell to ring n his face. His glasses dangled at the very tip of his nose, causing him to tilt his head back in an awkward, uncomfortable way. He would have taken the gratitude to save them from falling off his face, but in his hands he held two fairly massive books in each of his arms. They were two encyclopedias on the standards of being noticed and loved, and typically they were both shitty as hell. All it did was keep him up all night- not to mention that they did make him feel very bad and humiliated every sentence he read.

_Everyone enjoys a hottie  and bad boy for a lover, **lose the geeky glasses** and find your charming/princess. _

_Be confident of yourself. **Don't stay inside all day burying yourself in the books**. _

**_Feel worried and offended?_ ** _Become the known and do detective work yourself, find that lion to ravish you._

The books were literally telling him he was a piece of shit themselves. _Creepy and rude,_ he thought as he slammed them carelessly on the nearby table and fixing hs glasses properly on his face. Straightening his white collar shirt neatly and rubbing down his distressed hair, Dean walked down the check n box to see if he had any books today. There were only four of them cramped in the small box and sighed, lifting them out. There were your old fairytale classics, surely to go in the romance section or whatever.

_Rapunzel._

_Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs._

_Sleeping Beauty._

_..._

Dean stopped for a moment and lifted a book that had no entitlement. "Hm?" he said and picked up the hard cover in his hands. It's cover was a dark navy blue with golden swirls decorated lovely on the spine, looking as if it were vines crawling onto the front and back surface. This book looked unfamiliar, Dean could not even recall anyone checking it out. _Maybe there is something inside?,_ he thought.

...

...

Dean furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. As he moved to the front page, he could only see that the yellow tainted paper was blank. Odd? He flipped randomly through the pages and grew even more confused. All were blank. No words, no author's note, not even a page number. The book was absolutely blank. Obviously this could not have belonged to the library, but how'd it get here? Well, maybe dropped it in the box by mistake. Maybe someone had found it before, realized it was blank, and dumped it in the first check in box they spotted. Dean flipped through the pages again- a little more slower- just to make sure he had not missed a name ore something.

Blank. Blank. Blank.

He pursed his lips. Or maybe...

Quickly, the librarian hurried to he front desk and dug into the drawers, pulling out a UV pen. Flipping once more to the front page, Dean shined the light down upon the paper. Blank. He flipped to another page. Blank. He began to grow more frustrated and started flipping through all the pages, front and back, 130 exactly, times two if you count front and back.

Blank.

Blank.

Blank!

Finally, with a distressed groan, Dean slammed the book shut and slid it far away from him, beside the computer. Well, at least he did not find any perverted comment messaged to him in the innocent book by some creep unknown. Whatever, he had work to do. Dean grabbed the three fairy tale books and carried them to the romance section before placing them into their place. As he was doing this, he heard a light buzzing flicker from above and gazed up.

He could have sworn he had just see the light blinking on and off like a butterflies wing flap, but it looked perfectly line. He shrugged and continued finishing. Done and done. Oh wait... Dean gazed back to the table where he had settled the two dating encyclopedias down. He glared at them in disgust, not even wanting to step near the damned literature. Yesterday was yet another terrible birthday. Dean remembered earlier this morning that Sam had called him over several times, which Dean had ignored, then Sam texted him.

 **Dean sorry bout yesterday. Plz don't ignore me,** he had texted. Dean felt rage boil inside him when he read it. How could Sam expect for Dean to not ignore him when he had ignored Dean even on his birthday? Even if Dean was on his knees, _begging_ for Sam to at least drag his tall ass over and give him one hug, it was a 'no'. So, if Sam wants to be an 'unintentional dick' Dean could be the same way.

After a few moments of glaring at the books, Dean sighed and stomped over to them. Suddenly, just as his finger tips brushed against the smooth cover, there was that sudden feeling. That sudden feeling you get when you feel lie someone was watching you. That sudden feeling you get when one's presence enters the room. The presence that alerts you... you are not alone.

Dean froze for a second as he felt a chill brush past his face and slowly turned. There, a man stood, staring at him. Dean stopped a jolt by the new comer. It was a man, dressed like a tax accountant- wearing a trench coat over a white collar shirt, attached was a striped tie, and he was also wearing black pants. Dean studied the man's face. He was... honestly handsome, possessing ruffles of black hair and striking blue eyes. Yet, despite looks, Dean found it strange that he did not even hear a sound of this man walking in the library.

 _Note to self: remind Andre to buy a bell_ , Dean said thoughtfully to himself. Dean realized that the stranger was still staring at him with something he wouldn't relate to hunger or lust, but... weird, as if he knows the librarian. Dean squirmed a bit at the sudden silence and spoke, "Can I help you with something, sir?" The man, not blinking said n a deep, husk voice, "yes."

Dean bit his bottom lip and glanced at the corners of his lenses. This was getting odd by the second. "Um... and that would be...?" he strained out. The man relaxed all of a sudden as if someone had pushed a button on him. He kept his plain expression and looked around the library. "I am looking for a book. A book that belongs to me," he said. Dean raised an eyebrow and glanced at the blank book sitting still on the front counter.

So could this be the person that dropped the book n the check in box? Hm. Dean looked back at the man. "Yes. I did receive a book in the check in box. Care to explain it to me? I just want to make sure I know who I am dealing with," Dean said boldly. The man looked down for a second, probably playing dumb or just being stubborn, but soon looked at Dean with a game face. "It s a blue hard cove, rough on the corners, has golden swirls on the spine that reach for the front and back surface. Inside are yellow faded pages and on page twenty five is a small stain, faded brown. And of coarse... the book is blank," he said in less than thirty seconds.

Dean was surprised and let out an impressed whistle. "You sure do know your books," he exclaimed.

The man kept a plain face still. "Let's say, it is important to me."

Dean furrowed his eyebrows quizzically and folded his arms. "How'd it get dumped in library if it is so important?" he asked. The stranger shrugged. "Mistake," he simply said. Dean studied him for a seconds more. _Oh hell, Winchester, it's just a damn book,_ he thought to himself before waking to the counter, grabbing the book, and taking it to its owner. As he handed the book to the stranger, he asked, "got a name?"

"Castiel... Novak." 

 Dean furrowed his eyebrow. "Novak. Unique. Well, I hope you are satisfied- and also I hope you get the time to write at least a title or some chick's number down in there." 

Castiel did not even stretch a smile and placed the book somewhere in his trench coat. Dean then walked away back to the romance encyclopedias and lifted them away. "Are you not going to tell me your name?" Castiel suddenly asked. Dean rolled his eyes. 

"Dude, I hardly believe that my name is going to matter to you." 

"But I told you mine."

Dean only looked at him plain, giving no care in his eyes. "Yes. And I thank you, I did not force you to tell me, I can give a rat's ass. Now please, I need to return to my job." He understood that he sounded rude, but he was having a rough miserable time and all he wanted was complete silence. This man was hardly doing him any good. Why would he care?

Dean gave a pathetic, "Enjoy your day, sir," with a meaningless smile and then walked away, disappearing behind a row of shelves. He had dragged the ladder to its position and had the roughest time carrying the damned books up in both arms. Every step he took, the ladder creaked louder and higher. Sweat poured down the librarian's face.

"DaaAmn.... booOokks!," he groaned out. Finally, once he was settled on a fair step (to his beliefs), he sucked in a breath and used one free hand to lift one of the massive books. During this, he could not get that off sense of being watched once again. That man was honestly weird yet not so pushy and dominate, the reason Dean knew this was because he had not needed to yell for Andre to rescue him like always. 

Still, you can't be off your guard. Dean had learned that the hard way. 

A memory had surfaced Dean, starting with a laugh echoing in his mind- one too unpleasant and made his skin crawl- and the image of hands gripping naked thighs followed by a his own fearful whimper. Dean immediately shook the thought away and continued on with the books. 

"Do you need any help with that?" a sudden familiar voice arose from below. Dean nearly lost balance and would have fallen to his coma. Quickly he regain balance. It was that Castiel guy. He growled under his breath and gazed down. 

"Jesus. You just don't know when to give, man." 

Castiel kept a plain look. "I apologize, but I heard your distress noises and I couldn't help but offer assistance." 

Dean's mouth nearly dropped. This guy was asking to assist him in his JOB? He has got some nerve. "Uh, no thank you. If you haven't noticed, I work here and unless you are not checking in or out a book, you should probably carry on outside," he said with bitterness in his polite tone. Castiel stared up at him. "What is your name?" he asked again. Dean rolled his eyes. 

This guy was another fighter. 

he ignored him. 

It was till then, the light from earlier had began flashing rapidly once more, catching Dean's attention. Castiel calmly gazed at the light. "Electrical problems?" he questioned more in a dark, mysterious tone. Dean hardly noticed and shrugged. "It's never done that until today...." 

The seconds tick by and when the light began to shake and flicker, making Dean tremble a bit in sudden fear. "What the hell?" he murmured. Suddenly, there was a zapping noise, then a loud _POP!_ as the light popped, blinding Dean's eyes and making him scream. The Liberian had felt himself lose his balance and tip back. He flail his arms like windmills to regain his step, but the heavy weight of the book caused no good which a loud snap had been made from the ladder step snapping in half. With a scream, Dean was sent back and awaited his body to meet the ground. 

But he felt nothing- instead he felt two strong arms catch him bridal style. Instantly, Dean clung onto the one who caught him, and as he shook with terror. His vision had cleared and he looked up, gasping by what he saw. His hero who had caught him was no other than the man in the trenchcoat. Dean had met vibrant blue eyes with awe and shock. This man, this stranger, had caught him from falling, despite all the rude gestures Dean had given him not five minutes ago. Castiel met Dean's beautiful greens, seeing the silenced gratitude Dean was giving him. Both males listened to each other's breathings. 

Dean found it odd that.... He felt right in Castile's arms. "It's Dean... Dean Winchester," he whispered. Castiel knitted his eyebrows together. "What?"

"My name... It's Dean Winchester," Dean repeated. 

Castiel smiled softly. "Lovely." 

Dean felt a wave of overwhelming awe wash over him. No one has ever been so passionate of his name. Was it really...  _lovely?_

"Ahem. Am I interrupting something, Dean?" Andre's voice suddenly came from behind. Castiel swished around with Dean still in his arms. The librarian's face changed an immediate color of red by the smug smirk his boss was giving the two in front of him. Dean squirmed out of the man's arms and stood awkwardly. "S'rry, Andre. Cas had just er... Saved me from my fall- point is we need a new ladder AND light!" he exclaimed before rushing away, flustered in embarrassment. Andre and Castiel watched the librarian rushed away. Andre bursted into laughter, staring at Castiel. "You... You didn't plan on wooing him right?" he said between his laughter. 

Castiel hardly smiled and shrugged. "I only asked for his name." 

Andre shook his head and waved him off. "Nag just. If you plan on doing so- wooing him I mean-... Good luck. He's in desire for a guy, not a dick, yet he holds strong walls. I'm Andre by the way; I'm Dean's boss," he introduced, holding out a hand. Castiel took it. "Castiel Novak.... Dean is very... Rough but holds beauty," he exclaimed. 

Andre wasn't surprise and sighed with a nod. "Frankly yes. Poor kid, cannot settle with a decent man. He thinks he is pathetic but to be honest... He extraordinary. You know if I find out you try forcing yourself upon him, I may have to kick your ass?" 

Castiel stared at the man and shook his head. "No. I hold more decent gestures. Besides, Dean has yet to know me." 

Andre smiled softly and picked up the encyclopedia of romance book Dean had dropped during his fall. He looked at the book with pity and placed it in Castile's arms. "Like I said. Good luck," he said before walking off. 

Castiel gazed down at the book then back forward where he had seen Dean run off. Chuckling, he placed the book gently on the shelf and strolled away down the row. Just as he disappeared, Dean peered behind one of the shelves of the row the man in the trenchcoat had been standing, regaining composure.

"Odd... Very odd man he is...."  

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Odd he is Dean. Review and Kudos please.   
> LIKE LITERALLY I NEED TO HERE YOUR THOUGHTS!!!


	3. Genre: Romance? Suspense?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After two days since meeting Castiel Novak, Dean has another encounter with the strange man in the trenchcoat... things don't go as expected...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where I apologize for the late update... I AM SO FRGEGGIN SORRY!!!

Ever since Dean had met Castiel Novak, all he could think about was how strong he was. Not just his arms that had caught him from his fall... His strong firm arms that felt right beneath his legs and felt so good holding the curve of his lower back... But his spirit. Usually, Dean would expect him to fuck off after trying so hard to get his name or show aggression, but instead he kept trying. Plus, he said his name was _lovely_! God, he actually cared about his name!

And his voice! It sounded _so_ deep and _so_ gruff- in the right way- and when he spoke, it was _so_ husky, Dean felt like _jello_. It made him shiver at the delighted memory of how Castiel sounded. _Oh_ how he wished he had a recorder that day so it would help him sleep at night.

_Oh_ how he just wished to see those _shocking blue eyes_ one last time!

But it has been at least two days since Castiel showed his face in the library. It made Dean feel a little (or a lot) down in the dumps. Each day for the past two days he would rush in, looking his best as he could look, in hopes that Castiel would stroll in again to see and (by hopes) be impressed by Dean's complexion. 25 is the lucky number... Right? Hell, Dean even got a bell for the door right away just so he could hear if Cas would walk in.

_Cas?... I like that._

So on this day, Dean sat impatiently behind the counter with his knee bouncing up and down. His eyes glanced every five seconds to the door. He prayed that he would see a man in a trench coat at least. He did not think he would go another day without seeing Cas. It scared him a bit though... What if he and his obnoxious behaviour pushed his only chance of finding love away? What if Cas lost interest in him? What if Dean never sees his blue eyes again?

But most of all... _What am I thinking?_

As he sat there in thought, Dean found himself second guessing every guy he meets as usual.

_I just met the damn guy and now all I think about is seeing him again. It is all so messed up. I'm messed up. For all I know, he could just be wanting to get in my pants or have his way with me.... For all I know, he could be a man with a fake cover, hiding his shadow... He looks like 'the one' Dean Winchester, but deep inside he could be just like..._

Again, Dean closed his eyes as a memory washed over his mind. He could see strong arms embrace his naked form and chap lips cover his own smooth plump lips, bruised with abuse and a sinister tongue force its way down his throat. He could hear his whimpers of disgust and could taste his own tears.

Quickly, Dean shook the memory out by force. _No, I will not think that... Not yet at least_. He barely knew the guy and already he saved Dean from an injury. Kept him _safe_. Dean hated himself for being such a dick to Castiel. He hated himself from running off like a flustered little girl. He hated himself _period_.

Dean watched the door for a few more long moments, when he heard his boss from the further area of the room. "Jesus, Dean, never thought I'd see the day when you found an interest in someone!" Andre hollered. Dean turned his gaze towards the man with a annoyed smirk. "Oh are you worried I won't be paying attention to you?" he shot back with a smirk. Andre folded his arms and rolled his eyes, but couldn't help to smile himself. "Don't flatter yourself, _sweetheart_ ," he muttered, "I'm worried you won't be paying attention to those books you haven't placed on their shelves. Get to stepping!"

Dean made a dramatic groan. "Oh, but their too heavy! I don't think I'll be able!"

Andre shook his head. "Then I'll dock your pay for every book not placed, Shakespeare, and I see about what? Ten books?"

Dean made a protesting groan and hopped off the stool. "You're no fun, Andre!" He then stomped over to the books and Andre gave a satisfied smile. Just as he was walking away, Dean muttered, "it's not like you pay me a fortune."

" _What was that?_ " Andre hollered from the office. Dean hollered back, "I said ' _Thank you very much_!'" There a mutter from Andre that mentioned something with him suggesting to give Dean mininum wage which made Dean smile. Andre always made him feel better with his funny comments and encouraging words and his caring gaze. Funny, he remember he had flirted with Andre when he started working at the library, only to find out that Andre was straight and was married, so not only did Dean get rejected, but he had to suffer the bad first impression he left his _boss_. Fortunately, Andre easily forgave him and called it a moment to remember.

They became the best of friends.

Dean lifted the books in his arms and walked down a row. Today, he'll try to focus the best with effort and keep his mind off of Castiel Novak. It was extremely hard to stop visioning those eyes though. They were like oceans or the brightest stellar nebula. Dean wondered if Castiel liked his eyes.

Dean knew it were his vibrant hues that gave him the attention whether it was pleasuring or unwanted. He got his appearances from his mother's genes, while Sam had their father's genes.

Their father was a douche while their mother was like an angel. Dean felt his eyes lower at the little memory he had of her face. She had died in a house fire when he was only about five; Sam was almost a year old. After that day, their lives had never been the same again. Their father-John became a psychotic drunk and drove himself crazy as he tried to look for a... being with yellow eyes. He was gone 24/7 just looking for that being who he said was responsible for their mother's death.

Dean was left to raise Sam alone with hardly any food or anything to live properly on. John would be gone for days, sometimes weeks and would always return drunk. Worse of all, he would beat Dean for some random reason- mainly when he was drunk. For  _hears_ he had dealt with such. Then he took Sammy and himself away from that house- just ran away while their father was sleeping and just took off to this random place hours from his old home.

Luckily, Andre had been the first person Dean met and had offered Dean the job at the library. He had thankfully paid Dean enough cash to hold down an apartment and daily things for his brother and him, and life had been going well since then.... Until Sam decided to leave.

One day Dean had been cleaning Sam's room (that had paper scattered everywhere as well as books) and came across a file under his little brother's bed.

It was an application to Stanford University.

Dean had been shocked, the application was filled completely... At first, he was doubtful because Sam could never think about leaving him alone....

Damn was he wrong...

_"Sam..."_

_Dean stood as his brother (who stalked a few inches taller than him) strolled into the kitchen. Sam looked himself and beamed at Dean. "Yeah man?"_

_Dean had his arms folded, holding the application underneath his armpit so Sam wouldn't scurry too soon. The eldest Winchester kept a calm case because he did not want to fall into a major argument when it could all be just a misconception. "Um... I need to talk to you about something... Something very important."_

_Sam furrowed his eyebrows. "Sure. Anything, Dean. Why, something wrong? Is he-"_

_Dean quickly interrupted, "No, no it's not him... It is about, um..." He decided to blurt it out. "Sam will you ever leave me?"_

_Sam froze. Dean could see those soft puppy eyes widen and his younger brother's adams apple bob a bit in a swallow._

_Gotcha._

_"Um... W-why would you um, say that, Dean?"_

_Dean frowned this time and pursed his lips, giving his brother a 'don't act stupid' look. Finally, Dean slammed the application on the table, unable to hold in his anger and hurt. "Then, why in the hell is this under your bed?" he asked, nearly yelling. Sam didn't stop the shock in his face. He stared down at the stray papers in silence. "D-Dean... I-"_

_"Sam, really? You're leaving for some college?"_

_"Dean, I want to become a lawyer-"_

_"Lawyer?! Sam, why? You know you are leaving ME of all things, right?"_

_Sam sighed and met his older brother's gaze. "This is for ME not for you, Dean. I need to become something- someone who is not Dad. I need to move on to bigger and better things."_

_Dean felt his heart ache and was beyond disbelief. Sam needed to move on to bigger things? Better things? What in hell did life have for them that was great? Sam didn't belong at Stanford. He belonged with Dean, because..._

_Dean felt a lump in his throat and he looked down at the papers.... "S... Sam," he croaked, leaning against the chair so he didn't fall on his face._

_"Dean, please... Just don't."_

_"Don't what?"_

_"Don't try to make me stay like that!"_

_Dean flinched under his brother's tone. Sam did sound determined. But still, the older Winchester glared upon Sam. "Why? Why- just because you think that you are the only one who deserves great things? Education? Future? A LIFE, Sammy?!" the words were out before Dean could stop them, but he kept going, "Sammy, I RAISED you! Not dad! I gave up EVERYTHING for YOU! You think that I don't deserve as much as you right now?!"_

_Sam's eyes softened. "Then come with me."_

_"...No."_

_"No?"_

_"I CAN'T, Sam. Not with HIM clawing at my every move-"_

_"Then why don't you just end it, Dean-"_

_"Because I have YOU!"_

_Silence rang through the kitchen between the two. Sam stared at his brother angrily bow, feeling more frustrated. Dean sighed, a tear rolling down his face. Sam just didn't get it... But maybe Sam going to college would be the best option. So his baby brother wouldn't be in the aim of..._

_"Sam... Just go." Dean hated the way his voice cracked under pressure. More tears seem to roll down his face, but he quickly his them like always._

_"Dean, I-"_

_"JUST GO!" Dean yelled, pushing past the younger, "JUST LEAVE AND ENJOY LIFE, SAMMY!" Rage mixed with heart clenching pain surged through Dean. Every step made him crumble, but every thought made him feel lighter... Sam will be safe... HE won't find his baby brother and use him against Dean. HE will only hurt Dean and no one else... Dean will soon be able to run..._

_That night, Dean had cried himself to sleep, ignoring the cluttering noises next door where Sammy's room was. He knew what was happening and bit down hard on his pillow to stop a shuddering scream/sob. Letting Sammy go hurt like hell..._

_The next morning, Sam was gone.._.

Dean blinked the memory away, only to feel something drop from his eyes rapidly and saw clear liquid land on a rough covered book below. He had not noticed he was crying.

Maybe Sam leaving messed him up a little more. It still hurt like hell.

Dean sniffles, wiping his face and reached to grab the book, only to have another hand grasp the spine and pulled it from his sights. Dean gasped and shot his head up, only to meet familiar shocking blue eyes. Instantly, Dean was over runned with joy.

"Cas?" he whispered.

It was Castiel _fucking_ Novak standing in front of him with a sorrow written face, staring at him. Dean was shocked. Was he too deep in his thoughts that he had not heard the bell ring? That he didn't here Castiel stroll in? Castiel gazed down at the book in his hands and Dean followed, immediately becoming embarrassed. Great. His tears were on the damn book... How... How weak and embarrassing! Cas couldn't have picked a worse possible time to come by after two freggin days. 

Dean flushed red and looked away, expecting Castiel to laugh or comment rudely and leave...

But nothing came at him.

The librarian hesitantly glance at Castiel's full hands to see his fingers brush gently away the tears, smearing them a bit on the book's surface; the maroon color tinted a bit at the dampness. Castiel just stared at the book as if it were the most interesting thing in the world... His face was unreadable... Still....

Then, Dean waited as his own heart pounded in his chest, threatening to break free... He waited for a hand to his face and a voice to yell _"You can cry when I say you can cry, bitch!"_ He waited for hands to grip his hair and yank him to the floor... He waited for the same hands to grip his wrists above his head... He waited for them to grope his thighs and pull his belt free... He waited for them to tug at the hem of his pants and yank them off... For his legs to be spread by force... For something to grab his hips in a bruising manner and pull him close so that....

"Dean?... Dean, breath... Dean!"

Dean felt a hand tug at his shoulder and immediately flinched back a few steps. His breaths he didn't know he was hyperventilating. He forgot he was in front of Castiel...

But in Dean's eyes, he wasn't seeing Castiel- no he was seeing the man in his nightmares. Tall... Dark... Threatening... His eyes were small coal stones and glaring at him and his smokey charcoal hair sticking up with tense energy, waiting to be conflicted against Dean ...

Castiel just stood there, eyes full of concern and hands stretched forward a bit as he tried to calm Dean.

But Dean just could not breath! He had to get away! Get away before _he_ finds him! Get away before the cops come to tell Dean _he's_ not dead! To tell Dean _he's_ looking for him!

Suddenly, Dean felt another hand on his shoulder from behind and felt himself being tugged back into a firm chest. Dean ruptured a cry and began thrashing in the fairly strong hold.

_Too late! Too late! TOO LATE!_

"Dean!? Dean, stop! It's me, buddy! Andre- Dean it's me Andre!"

Almost instantly, just by hearing those words, Dean collapsed in his boss' arms, releasing shuddering sobs and clutching on Andre as of his life depended on it. He felt Andre's hand rub his back soothingly as the man whispered cooing words towards him, such as, "you're safe, you're safe, Dean. It's gonna be all right.... You were just imagining again, Dean, he's gone."

Dean wanted to believe him, he truly did, but something inside of him told him different. That one voice that kept him awake at nights...

_"You think you could ever leave me, baby? No, I can never leave YOU. You can run all you'd like, but face it, I will always find you, Dean. One moment, when you finally feel at peace, safe and tucked in, I'll pop right out and drag you to someplace no one will be able to find... No one Dean..."_

Dean whimpered against Andre's chest. That damn voice.... It was so _damn_ right...

"What happened? What did you do?" Andre spoke in a sudden tempered tone, but Dean felt like it wasn't questioned directly to him.

"I did nothing."

Dean furrowed his eyebrows, a sudden gasp escaped his lips. _Cas_.

He pulled away from Andre, who looked a bit pissed and was glaring at Castiel, who Dean had forgotten about. Dean was overjoyed that Castiel finally decided to come back, but at the same time embarrassed. Castiel had seen one of his usual nut-case breakdowns that would happen so often when triggered correctly. Dean felt heat rise to his cheeks by just seeing that flats gaze of Castiel's. _Great way to make yourself seem even more pathetic, Winchester_ , Dean griped at himself.

But he can bitch at himself later, because now he needed to give Andre an explanation before the man decides to tear Castiel a new one. Dean faced his boss, eyes still red and blurry from crying and face still pale. 

"Andre, wait," Dean breathed out, "C-Cas didn't do anything." 

Andre folded his arms, still holding onto his disbelief. "Then why were you in one of your breakdowns, Dean?" Dean sighed and shrugged. "I guess I was thinking... A little too deep again. Sorry if I worried you, but Cas- I assume- was trying to help. The past seconds were a blur." 

Andre still wore a frown as he looked from Dean to Castiel, and he pursed his lips. "Well. Is this true, sir?" the owner questioned. Castiel stared at him- Dean noticed his face was void of expression besides a plain complexion that would not hint of any twitch of a lie if he were so telling one. "Yes. It is true," Castiel replied. 

Dean stopped a sigh from escaping his lips. Castiel's voice... So... So gruff and very- NO, he will not go through this again! 

Dean turned to Andre with a sheepish smile. "See? No problem. The worse is over," he said honestly. Andre stared at him then looked at Castiel, then back at Dean with stern eyes. "I'll be watching, Dean. Don't hesitate to call me Dean, if anything goes bad," he said sternly before walking away. Dean understood why Andre was so overprotective. Ever since... That night... When Dean had opened up what had been happening to him for the past months ad what was bound to happen next... Andre hadn't turned on him since. He considered the man as family. Andre was like a brother he needed. 

Dean waited till Andre disappeared into his office before swishing over to Castiel with a smugged frown. "Two days and you decide to show up here  _now_?" he growled. Castiel blinked at him. "Should I have waited longer?" he asked. Dean wanted to say "hell yes," but he instead shook his head. "No, Cas. It's..." Dean paused in a way to be cautious of what to say, "... On these particular days, I am not a real joy to be around." 

Castiel squinted his eyes and tilted his head. "I doubt that," he replied... Sincerely? Dean was surprised. Didn't Castiel just see him in a complete mess in Andre's arms? How he screamed like a helpless person? How he shriveled and clung onto his  _boss_ like some child who just had a nightmare? How he practically broke down for nothing?! 

How could Castiel  _not_ find any of that humiliating to be around?! In Dean's perspective, it was weak, it was embarrassing, and it... Was so  _broken..._

_"_ You  _doubt_ that?" Dean questioned with a raised eyebrow. Castiel shrugged. "I do not blame you for the things that rage within your life, Dean," he simply said. Dean frowned.  _What in the hell?_ He folded his arms. 

"And what do you mean by  _that, Mr. Novak?"_

Dean could not stop the offensive tone from mixing with his words, but either way, Castiel had not flinched under his tone nor did his expression change. He just blinked at Dean and replied, "I see your hurt, Dean-" 

"You don't see a  _damn_ thing," Dean bit out. Now he was second guessing that he liked Castiel. This guy had the damn nerves to say he knew what Dean was going through?! What happened to him?! How he felt?! 

Dean hadn't realized he had taken a step back when Castiel inched a bit towards him with a somewhat concern glare. "Dean, please, I think I do. It does not take a genius to see the pain you carry... How you react to...  _certain_ things." 

Dean closed his eyes and looked down with a frustrated huff. He felt his body tense. He did not want to hear anymore. 

_"_ Cas,  _stop."_

But Castiel did not stop, but instead took another step towards Dean. "I know how you feel, Dean," he said with a strict tone. Dean placed his fingers on his temples, rubbing them in hopes to not scream. 

_"STOP."_

Castiel stepped in front of Dean and leaned down a bit to meet Dean's tightly shut eyes. "I  _know_ what happened that night. What  _he_ did to you!" 

**_SLAP!_  **

The sound of skin hitting skin rang about in the room, causing a direct echo. It was so sudden, and so unexpected, that when Dean saw his hand held out and saw Castiel's head turned to the side, he froze. He hit Castiel. 

_I fuckin' slapped Cas..._ Dean suddenly felt a sting in his hand and held it close. _Damn, what is his face made of? Metal?!_

When the pain did not go away, Dean turned away and walked to his desk, cradling his hand. He inspected the back and saw that his knuckles were an irritating red and his hold hand was shaking. Damn it hurt! It felt like he hit a brick wall. "Ah, Jesus," he hissed. He naturally squeezed his wounded hand which only worsen the pain. "Ow!" 

Suddenly, he felt a presence beside him and stiffened. He had just hit him... and in Dean's mind right now... it was not Castiel in particular... 

_"Did you just hit me, Bitch?... well?...."_

_I'm so sorry... I didn't-_

_"Well, heh... you know what happens now, Dean?"_

Dean bit his lip and whimpered, trying to shrink away from the shadow covering him. He felt another hand, strangely warm, grab ahold of his hurt hand, and bit back a cry. Not because it hurt- it hurt like a bitch- but because he knew by past experience, that hand grabbing his will twist it until it dislocated. 

"Dean, you're hurt," a different voice spoke... gruff yet smooth... deep yet gentle... firm, yet caring... 

It seemed to knock Dean back in his senses. "Of coarse, asshole," he bit. Great, now he was back to being pissed at Castiel. The other man did not seem offended, his face was too filled with utter concern. Dean was completely mesmerized by the way Castiel licked his lip, but not in some perverted way... butsomething? 

Finally Castiel reached his other hand slowly to sandwich Dean's wounded hand as if it were the most fragile thing he held. Dean watched him with huge confusion. If this guy tried anything, Dean was ready to scream...

Dean gasped. He felt- or had felt- a tingle rush from his hand, to his wrist.

... wait... Castiel pulled away and Dean blinked at him. What did he do? The librarian looked down at his hand and with a questioning scowl, flicked his wrist. His eyes widened...

What the hell?!

The pain was gone! It was like the pain was never there... taking shaky inhales, trying not to freak out, Dean looked at Castiel.

"W... What did you do?" Dean whispered.

For the first time, Castiel smirked, like he was going to enjoy playing questionare with Dean. Castiel placed his hands in his pockets of his black slacks. His eyes glimmered.

"Have lunch with me. Perhaps I may explain then..."

l

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhh what next what next?!   
> BTW, Guardian Angel should be updated very soon!


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